It’s a squalid, drawn out attempt at creating a film that toes the line of strict guidelines and misses wildly.

Roll Up! Roll Up! Welcome to the plainest show on Earth! Watch, as Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson go head to head in the battle of who can come out looking most wooden. With Dornan in the beige corner and Johnson in the eggshell, we’ve got an average matchup just waiting to trickle out!

Fifty Shades Darker is the sequel to 2015’s Fifty Shades of Grey. Based on the critically panned novels of the same name, the film follows the relationship between personal assistant Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) and billionaire-BDSM extrodenaire Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan). After taking their relationship to the next level both in the bedroom and outside, more and more haters try to stop their relationship in its tracks.

The first thing to note is the fact that Fifty Shades Darker is an absolute power-house in underdeveloped, unsensual, softcore porn. The film is supposedly following the rough stance the books take, with author E.L. James guarding the films movement from away from anything other the original storyline. At no point does the picture take a stand and put in a brave motion creating some of these hard-core scenes. Every moment of sex featured in the film just comes across as boring and lifeless. It is almost as if the film are a cheap knock-off, not doing anything different or featuring the shocking elements the books contained.


Endless scenes of long broad attempts at creating some sexual fire that don’t even slightly appear interesting. Whether it’s introducing worthless toys or a particularly lengthy shower wash scene, there is nothing creating a standing for the film as a unique piece.

The BDSM ideas originally created within the novels clearly tapped into something in the world’s psyche with ridiculous book sales, but the film doesn’t back any of this up. The audience giggled before it started. Giggling is not the idea BDSM is based upon and the audience the film is reaching perhaps isn’t looking for a more intense set of features, but for others coming into the franchise will certainly be let down by a distinct lack of bravery.

The film alludes to Anastasia being a strong independent woman changing Christian Grey’s perception of women as potential submissives to his schemes. Dakota Johnson’s performance is anything but. The direction from James Foley is poor on all accounts and Johnson really suffers. The script says one thing but her face says another. At no point was it convincing that this woman was changing a man’s view from her persistence against him.

It’s a squalid, drawn out attempt at creating a film that toes the line of strict guidelines and misses wildly. It’s boring, the acting is weak and it shows blindingly everything that could go wrong within the range that is mainstream cinema.


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