Full of unconvincing performances and moments that bring about uncontrollable twitching from cringing so hard, The Meg is a poor excuse for a film

Jason Statham simply cannot hold a feature like The Meg together. From his chiselled facial features to his wooden body language, he needs a far less dialogue-heavy picture to create something actually worthwhile. Thrown straight in the deep end with The Meg, Statham really only manages to tread water with just his forehead poking out of the water as his ship, inevitably, sinks.

In an research facility based off the coast if China, a group of leading scientists believe they have discovered a section of the ocean even deeper than previously believed possible. After delving into the new layer, a mysterious creature begins to attack the submarine, causing terrible damage. Stuck at the bottom of the ocean, the submarine must be rescued, with only one man capable of such a task. Jonas Taylor (Jason Statham).

There is nothing unique about The Meg. Every single scene is an agonising and cliched look at the history of popular cinema, showing exactly how to make money, and not a good film. It is essentially as close to plagiarism a film can get without screening someone else’s work, and this isn’t even what makes the film so bitingly annoying. Knowing exactly what it’s doing with its running commentary detailing how cliched it is, The Meg loves to show how much it doesn’t care. It should.

The Meg

More than one shark? (Sorry, Megalodon), Check. Crazed billionaire owner who lies to everyone? Check. Leading man, in this case Jason Statham, offering nothing but his name and every line to be delivered as if it were the final clip of the trailer? Check. They even find the man as an alcoholic in the back end of Thailand shouting at the locals. He doesn’t drink alcohol for the rest of the film, so he must really love saving lives, oh wait, he doesn’t. There are so many errors and annoyances littered throughout the film it just becomes a list rather than a feature.

Full of unconvincing performances and moments that bring about uncontrollable twitching from cringing so hard, The Meg is a poor excuse for a film, let alone an action picture. At least it’s possible to laugh at a bad feature, this just becomes a chore and not a nice one either. It’s like taking the bins out repeatedly despite knowing it can wait until tomorrow.

Actually, that moment in Harry Potter 6 where Dumbledore is forced to keep drinking that awful liquid by Harry. Jason Statham is Harry.

1/5

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